When That Jones Comes Down


Dear Benzino,

I write this letter with respect and I hope it’s received that way. In our youth we had the privilege of seeing a man, whether that be a father, grandfather or uncle etc. cat around on their wife/lady or be down and out, yet even if separation occurred, the strength and love of that woman kept the relationship intact. Despite the hurt the woman felt, if she put in the time with that man, whoever this trollop/jezebel was, Mom, Grandma or Auntie wasn’t just going to just let this woman have their man. It was in this day, a hoes chance of winning was slim to none. It was witnessing fervent love and patience that we rarely saw a black man leave his Day Ones for his mistress. This is why we and our peers can say their parents/grandparents have been together 30-50 years. More times than not, the relationship lasted because of the woman’s ability to withstand more than her fair share.

In those days, whatever a woman’s relationship deal breakers were, they could be reconsidered or even prayed through if she stayed with that man. Why, because the only time she had to relive this pain was in the recesses of her mind. Even when venting, if Mama, knew she wasn’t leaving her no-good selfish man, her sharing was limited. It too helped, her man made it clear, sometimes repeatedly, “I was just f**kin them girls, I was gon’ get right back.” and meant it. In our day what happened in that house stayed in that house. Zino, you do remember those days, don’t you?

As it was in our youth, it was the hard fight of a man that won over a hurt woman, who loved her man as hard as his fight. There was also the clear distinction in how a man treated his wife/lady versus how he treated his mistress(es). There was a reason he made one his wife and the other a stop at the Doo Drop Inn. There were things he would do with and to his mistress, he would never think of asking or doing to his wife. He’d spoon his wife but he’d shake and zip on the mistress leaving her to deal with the crusty rag he left on her bathroom floor.

Benzino, it is my belief, seeing how relationships could be overcome in days gone by, you believe your public fight for your relationship will overcome the public display of your actions. Unfortunately, those days have gone by the wayside because of this thing called the internet. I mean, everyone seems to be sexually free these days. Instagram has good girls really believing hoes be winning. As old school as the thinking may be, there is still a taint in our community that comes with woman labeled a homewrecker, loose or a straight up hoe. I don’t have the numbers of how many hoes win, but there is a reason why Karrine Steffans no matter how she says she’s cleaned up her life, can’t shake her moniker.

With no room to judge your sexual prowess, its just if Althea had been you on the receiving end of the activity in those pictures, I think your pursuit would be different or possibly non-existent. If it weren’t for the web, I could go back to the days of our youth and agree with you. The chick who released these pictures could be dismissed as, the moment in time you said she was. I’d even say, “If Althea loves him, all he has to do is keep up the fight, publicly displaying his love and he’ll win her back. He was just treating that thot in a manner in which thots are treated. What kind of woman cares to share the heart of man all for the sake of one day being able to put him on blast? No real woman, I know. She knew he really loved Althea. She saw a come-up and played herself.”

Damn it man, Zino, that’s not what happened. This chick put you out there bad. How does Althea bounce back from that? Every kiss and I love you, is coming from the mouth we all saw on the internet doing a grocery gig. That makes your fight a bit selfish, don’t you think? Doesn’t your love for her and your desire for her happiness say, “I blew it; I have to let her go. I can’t have every interview or tmz shout-to her be about what I did with that girl?” Can’t you love her enough to let her response hence now and forever be, “It didn’t work, but Benzino is a great father.”

Even though these pictures will live forever, love is out there for you. Just maybe it should be with someone whose duration with you doesn’t come with the level of remembrance, Althea would experience. For every relationship from our youth, we saw beat the odds, there are just as many, with men in the barbershop saying, “Althea (that’s such an old school name, so it’s the perfect fit) was a good woman, I really blew it, I knew I wasn’t right, so I just let her go.” Take it from a woman who knows where your experiences and fight for love comes from. Take this L, learn the error of your ways and give the woman you love the self-dignity of healing from hurt you caused.



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